I don't even wanna talk about it... :(

“Because let’s face it- no matter how much you tell yourself you’re over someone,your heart knows the truth.”
–Two Way Street

you fall in love with someone because of the tilt of his smile, or because he can make you laugh; or in this case, because he made you believe you were the one who could save him.

When you feel like giving up
remember why you held on so long in the first place.

stay mad as long as you can.
because once you're not mad anymore; it hurts.
it hurts like hell and once it hurts that bad,
you can't make yourself mad anymore.
-- Little Black Book

I'm still here,
But it hasn't been easy,
I'm sure that you had your reasons,
I'm scared for this emotion,
For years I've been holding it down,

And I,
Love to forgive and forget,
So I,
Try to put all this behind us,
Just,
Know that my arms are wide open,
The older I get, the more that I know.
Well it's time to let this go.
-James Morrison

Women are always under the impression that men love them more than they really do.
( The Painted Veil )

And maybe someday
We'll figure all this out
Try to put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to make things better now
And maybe someday we'll live our lives out loud
We'll be better off somehow, someday.
-Rob Thomas

fell asleep last night with tears in her eyes.
it may take her some time to grasp
the meaning of goodbye.
she won't forget him, but she'll try

Guys drink to forget about girls. Girls drink to think back about the guy. When guys are in love, they become poor. When girls are in love they become pretty. Guys can forget, but can’t forgive. Girls can forgive but can’t forget. Guys break up when they feel love from another girl. Girls break up when they feel the separation from their man. Guys feel curiosity towards all girls. Girls feel curiosity towards guys who are interested in them. When guys are heartbroken they try to forget about the girl by going out with another girl. When girls are heartbroken they try to find his characteristics in another guy. But finally, guys wish to be her first love, girls wish to be his last.

Two of the hardest tests in life:
The patience to wait for the right
moment and the courage to accept
that you've waited for nothing.

It's in your mind
It's in your eyes
So it's goodbye again
It's way past time
For one last try
So it's goodbye again

To need someone more than you want is
insecurity. To want someone more than you
need them is lust. Love is when you need
and want someone in your life in equal amounts

serious relationships are not something anyone should really be actively looking for because sometimes, the best relationships happen only by accident. i was beginning to see, though, that the unknown wasn’t always the greatest thing to fear. the people who know you best can be riskier, the words they say and the things they think have the potential to be not only scary but true, as well.
-just listen ; sarah dessen

Help me remember, the way that we used to be. When nothing else mattered, cause you were loving me.
-Help Me Remember; Rascal Flatts

i just don't know if i wanna do it anymore, get close to somebody so they can leave again.

There is no doubt about it, break ups suck but in the first few days there is 1 important truth, you need to recognize; somethingss cant and shouldnt be fixed. its over for a reason and deep down you probably know what that reason is

i want someone who doesnt want to change me.

 I'm tired of being sad. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of feeling empty inside. I'm tired of feeling worthless. I'm tired of feeling stuck. I'm tired of feeling crazy. I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of yelling. I'm tired of pretending. I'm tired of dreaming of a life I will never have. I'm tired of missing things. I'm tired of missing people. I'm tired of remembering. I'm tired of wishing I could start all over. I'm tired of not being able to just let go. I'm tired of faking it. I'm tired of being angry. I'm tired of needing help. I'm tired of always wondering when God is finally going to let me be happy. Most of all, I'm just I'm tired of being tired.

homesick for a place i have never been to.

I'm in one of those moods that nothing is really wrong in my life, but my brain keeps on insisting that there is. Or maybe it's my heart thats doing the insisting. I can't really tell. You know that feeling?

You drove me crazy every time we touched, now i'm so broken that I can't get up.
-Love Drunk; Boys Like Girls.

Shit.

Comment/Sub

Hey guys. Things are kinda back to normal. No school today for Quarter break already. 75% of High School to go... Dont know if thats good or bad :| But applications are in just waiting now.. I hate waiting. Blah. Lets try something different...

1. Do you have any big plans for November?
Well...Thanksgiving a nice long break from school and hopefully hearing from colleges.

2. What upcoming event are you most looking forward to?
Emily's halloween party on Saturday. ummm...yeah Saturday after 2:00

3. What was the last song you heard?
Bennie and The Jets...lol

4. Quote something from last night:
"She isn't passed out her eyes aren't rolling around in the back of her head. She's faking"

5. What time did you wake up today?
9:45ish?

6. What does your last incoming text say?
Sorry

7. Is there a vase in the room you're in?
nope

8. Any plans for today/this evening?
not really except for bed :)

9. Have you recently been insulted?
Ummm nope.

10. What is the radio in your car tuned to at this exact moment?
Wild 93.9

11. Compared to someone else of your age and gender; do you feel that you have a lot to offer someone?
Yes. I think.

12. How many days a week do you work?
two. and by golly thats enough. for my own sanity

13. Are there people you feel more connected to than others?
That's why some people are friends and others aren't.

14. Is there ONE person you feel more connected to than others?
Ummm i dont know. depends on what.

15. Are you more like your mother or your father?
I look like my mom. and I think i act more like my dad.

16. Where did your eye color come from?
My mom.

17. Describe the pants you are wearing:
Angel blue jeans from Khols. kinda tight but whatever.

18. Have you ever been in a recording studio?
No?

19. The facebook picture you've had up the longest?
I just changed it today. I'm not sure.

20. Are any of your facebook pictures alcohol-related?
haha..yes.

21. What is your worst relationship quality?
i get Paranoid, Jealous.

22.What was your most recent serious injury?
MRSA.

23. What were you most recently happy about?
Talking to more people. :) Feeling belonged.

24. Are you happy with the way the Yankees are playing?
I Have no clue..?

25. Are you a fan of cake?
Depends. If theres too much frosting then no.

26. What shirt have you not worn in a while that you would like to?
My purple babydoll shirt with the black cami.

28. When was the last time you were hit on?
umm...I think the other weekend at that party in Dayton.

29. What is the next concert you are going to and where are you seeing it?
No idea

30. Name someone you know who is most likely to be found at a bar on Wednesday night?
my uncle? lol

Are you close to your siblings?
ehhh...kinda with my sister. I see my brother everyday but we dont talk. We used to be really close though :(

Have you had your birthday?
Yes. A sucky one might i add.

Can you honestly say your happy right now?
I'm alright.

Are you currently in a relationship?
Yes.

Who do you sit behind in math class?
Some Travis kid whos a couple grades below me...haha..i hate math

Have you ever kissed a Matthew or Michael?
URGH! yes

Have you ever crawled through a window?
Yes when i flipped my car.

Where were you at 7:30 this morning?
Sleeping :) :)

How long is your hair?
 Past my shoulders.

Are you more of a hookup or relationship person?
Relationship

What are you watching?
The computer screen?

What are you doing?
This survey and listening to my MP3 player and eating pretzels

Whats the last compliment someone told you?
Hmm...im not really sure.. :(

Is there anyone you would seriously punch right now if you had the chance?
Let me think about this....no i'm not good for once.. wow how bout that.

Do you think that blondes are stupid, honestly?
Some. But it has nothing to do with hair color.

Love where you live?
For now..Only one more year :)

Who was the last person you had a phone conversation for more than 20 minutes?
Jason

Has anyone ever sang to you?
Yes.

Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now?
Yes. I hope. yes. Definite yes.

If you could spend more time with someone you used to be very close with would you?
Is that with out the awkwardness too? then yes

Do you plan on moving within the next year?
yes. College :)

If you were at reasonable age, would you prefer a baby boy or girl?
Boy. well...i dunno. doesnt matter.

What color shirt are you wearing?
Black sweater with blue t-shirt.

What type of service is your cellphone?
verizon

Do you think you'll be married in 5 years?
ehh..maybe

What comes to mind when I say 69?
Sex

Could you go a whole year without cursing?
probably not. and i dont even curse that much

Are you happy with the way things are going?
i suppose

Do you know a guy named David?
Yeah. We were born a day apart. Lives down the road

Have you ever kissed someone with braces?
Yes

What if your boyfriend/girlfriend went through your cellphone?
He does...all the time. :|

How many cigarettes have you smoked today?
None.

What is the closest thing to you that is blue?
MP3 player.

Last thing you wrote your name on?
I think One of the kitchen slips at work?

What would you do if someone ran at you with a knife?
Run/Scream

Do you think high-school relationships can last?
They better..lol

Have a crazy side?
Sure

When's the last time you said you were fine, but really weren't?
yesterday. When Jason said next year hes living with his brother and i'm just gonna have to live in a dorm. Not the plan dear.

Is any part of you sad at all?
Possibly but lets not find out.

What three things are you wearing right now?
Jeans,Under armour sweater, off brand Ugg boots

Are you in a Relationship?
Yes

Have you ever been given a rose?
Yes. Actually not a rose it was roses.

Have you ever licked a photo?
hahaha..yes.

Do you believe that everyone has a soul-mate?
Maybe

What's your current problem?
Next year crap. College and stuff.

Have you ever had your heart broken?
ehhh i dunno.

Do you have a crush?
Yes my beautiful boyfriend

How many kids do you want?
2 or 4.

What is/are your favorite(s) color?
Pink. or Purple

Have you ever found it hard to tell anyone you like them?
yeah.

What song do you want played at your wedding?
My Little Girl by Tim Mcgraw

Do you want to get married?
yes

Did you have a good day today?
yes very much.

What are you thinking about?

Jason and his maddness
Where would you like to go on a vacation holiday?
Paris. Since i wont be going with my french class since i cant afford it cause i wrecked my car. :(

What do you hear right now?
Stan by Eminem

Who was the last person you kissed?
Jason

What went through your mind?
This morning..

What was the last thing you said?
just sorta mumbled

What's the next thing you'll put in your mouth?
Sunkist

Do you have an aim?
Kinda but dont use it that much

What should you be doing?
Nothing.

How are you feeling?
Pretty good

Do you have good grades in school?
I got on the honor role this 9 weeks. :) first time since freshman year.

Where is your boyfriend?
At home i believe.

Who was the last person you held hands with?
I dunno. Either emily or Jason. i think it was emily haha..when she was dragging me to the bathroom last night.

What are you doing tomorrow?
School. Then home.

Why did you last cry?
Me and jason kinda broke up. I finally relized it was over and i didnt know what to do. and He went out that night i was terrified what life would be like without him. Pretty much it hit me that i dont wanna live without him.

Whats the last letter of the person you last kissed name?
N.

I'm in one of those moods that nothing is really wrong in my life, but my brain keeps on insisting that there is. Or maybe it's my heart thats doing the insisting. I can't really tell. You know that feeling?

maybe i'll share my life with somebody.. maybe not. but the truth is, when i think back to my loneliest moments, there was usually somebody sitting there next to me.

i don't have a fear of commitment. i have a fear of abandonment. we all screw things up, i screw things up. especially with the people i love. i get needy, i get moody, i get distant, i want to be too close. i get confused, i don't understand all of it. but i keep pushing because i hope in this thing; the universe. there's no way i'm the only bad person out there who wants something this bad. if i want it someone else out there must too.

as soon as you start to have romantic feelings for someone, you're fucked. you & this person are going to hurt one another. even if you are together for the rest of your life, you're going to feel indescribable pain. when you're in, no matter how deep, you're in.

I just can't keep my hands off of you
you look so small all wrapped up in my arms
I am so in love with you

"The sad thing is, you can love someone and still be wrong for them” – Elvis Presley

Actions do speak louder than words,
but words are the sparks that light the fire

Comment/Sub

Things are fucked up. I'm considering playing on the road right now. too many emotions to explain. My life is falling apart. I WILL NOT let him leave. Things are going to change majorly again..

fell asleep last night with tears in her eyes.
it may take her some time to grasp
the meaning of goodbye.
she won't forget him, but she'll try.

ten bucks says you'll be crawling into bed with me
putting your hands & lips where they don't belong;
but ten bucks says i won't say no.

what I do know is, I screw up, and I know that
I'm working on myself to be a better person.
so I have no apologies. the best I can do is
learn from my mistakes and move forward.
and that's what I'm trying to do.

The secret smiles, the awkward silences, the sideways glances; those days are gone - I get that. And you know what? I'm cool with it. But let me set a couple of things straight. First off, I don't know why I loved you. All I know is that I did. Maybe it wasn't true love, but it was the closest thing I've ever felt.  And even though I didn't get my perfect happy ending, even though you chickened out and left me hanging like an idiot, I still believe you're a good person; and I wish you the best. Really, I do. So go out there and find whatever makes you happy. The memories are already starting to blur around the edges, but God knows I couldn't ever forget you completely. Do you understand what I'm saying here? I'm saying that whether it's a good thing or a bad thing, you are the reason I am who I am today. Oh God, I hope you know that. I hope you know that you were the most important person in my life for a very long time. You were the guy I thought about while listening to all those songs, the one guy who made me actually look forward to Mondays. You were the guy who could make or break me, who had my heart, but never bothered to do anything about it. Just as Taylor had Drew, I had you. You'll be the highschool heartache I'll tell my kids about. <---Shit :(  Not going to happen.

If you're reading this... congratulations, you're alive.
If that's not something to smile about,
then I don't know what is.

i'm a sucker for the sweet talkers; the ones that

treat me right. the ones that call randomly or to

just say good night. the ones that pull my hair

back loosely behind my ears. the ones that

challenge me and make me face my fears.

and all she needs right now

is for him to wrap her up in his

arms, look her in the eyes, and

tell her he won’t give up.

I hate what you do to me, I don't hate you.
I get myself into fits of tears over what you
did. & all the while, I'm still hoping you will
come and dry my tears.

I want to know what you see when you look at me.”
His fingers dug into my shoulders.
“I want to know your favorite Stooge and the hour you were born
and the thing that scares you more than anything else in the world.
I want to be there when you wake up.
-Jodi Picoult

"Just once I want to fall in love and not have it hurt so bad in the end.
Actually can I just have a love that doesn't end?
Or is there no such thing?"
-Allison Mosher

I wanted to be the person he told things to. I wanted him to think I was pretty, I wanted him to be reminded of me by stuff I liked-- pistachios and hooded sweatshirts and the Dylan song "Girl from the North Country"-- and I wanted him to miss me when we were apart. I wanted him to feel, when we were lying in bed together, like he couldn't imagine anywhere better.
-Curtis Sittenfield, Prep

Back in school they never taught us what we needed to know,
like how to deal with despair, or someone breaking your heart.
For twelve years I've held it all together
but a night like this is begging to pull me apart

Sooner or later, friends who you thought would be around forever
will end up taking different paths in life.
But no matter where you go,
you'll take a piece of each one with you.

"When you're growing up, a lot of your choices are motivated by fear. It's like one wrong move and the world's going to end. Maybe that's what it is, maybe it's about taking a deep breath and forgiving yourself for yesterday's mistakes."

it’s late and i’m tired and i know i need to slow down.
i need to take it easy for my own good.
i’m a nervous wreck and i think it shows.
and if it doesn’t, then i’m good at hiding it.
just catch my grip, catch my breathe, and live for now.
(c) sunsetcountdown_quotes

no, i'm not broken; i'm just damaged.
yeah, i carry the pain with me every day.
the pain of knowing that things will never be the same,
no matter how much we wish they could be.
but it's the fact that i get up and live my life every day.
smile through the hurt.
that's what shows that i'm stronger than i thought.
and the good part of all this,
is that damage can be repaired.
(c) sunsetcountdown_quotes

the screaming fights and making up.
the feeling of not knowing where i’m going in life or where i’m going in an hour.
staying up until the crack of dawn for no reason.
feeling like the world is spinning too fast.
being young and experimenting with freedom for the first time.
i’m learning and i’m living.
(c) sunsetcountdown_quotes

Maybe I know somewhere deep in my soul
that love never lasts.
And we've got to find other ways to make it alone.
Keep a straight face.
And I've always lived like this;
keeping a comfortable distance.
And up until now, I had sworn to myself
that I'm content with loneliness.
Because none of it was ever worth the risk...
Well, you are the only exception.
You are the only exception.

The saddest thing in the world, is loving someone who used to love you.

I'm fallin' in love
But it's fallin' apart.
I need to find my way back to the start.
When we were in love.
Oh things were better than they are.
Let me back into.
Into your arms
~The Maine~

And I just thought that you should
know that I've been holding on
while you've been letting go.
++ Daughtry

Comment/Sub

Hey. Hope everyones doing okay. School started and i guess thats alright. Graduation stuff is ordered. and Class shirts and trip are already started. Everything is pretty much the same as last year. The college and major thing flusters me about everyday though. I need to change my layout. Its not summer anymore :(  Im an aunt though. Septemeber 8th beautiful Delaney Marie was born. 9 pounds..yeah wow. :) Anyway update!

If we were alone, and it was absolutely
silent, what would you say to me?

in the end, you just get tired;
tired of the struggle, tired of losing
everyone that matters to you, tired
of watching everything turn to dust.
if you live long enough, the only
certainty left is that you'll end up alone.

if you aren't just a little bit depressed,
then you aren't paying very much attention
to what's going on in the world.
-- Pete Wentz

let me tell you something kid; everybody gets one chance to do something great. most people never take the chance, either because they're too scared or they don't recognize it when it spits on their shoes. -- The Sandlot

"And yet, I found I could survive. I was alert, I felt the pain- the aching loss that radiated out from my chest, sending wracking waves of hurt through my limbs and head- but it was manageable. I could live through it. It didn't feel like the pain had weakened over time, rather that I'd grown strong enough to bear it."
-New Moon; Stephenie Meyer

"You can't always trust the people you want to."
- 10 things I hate about you

I know just how it feels
to think of the right thing to say too late
- Robert Frost

The worst isn't when you are in love with someone who doesn't love you back,
the worst is when you are in love with somebody who used to love you.

It hasn't been a long time, and we haven't been talking
late into the night or even hung out enough times that I
can't count on my fingers. But we've talked enough for me
to know I want to pursue this. You make me smile, and for
now that's enough.

if you're wish does not come true then something better was meant for you

You ought to spend a little more time trying to make something of yourself
& a little less time trying to impress people.
+ Breakfast Club

I've never had this many feelings for one person. Don't get me wrong, I've fallen for people before, but it's different this time. This time, I feel so much.

I want to remember how you’ve made me laugh and sometimes cry,
and I never want to forget how special and different
you are and how you’ve touched my heart
in a way that no one else ever could.

"My only relief is to sleep. When I’m sleeping, I’m not sad, I’m not angry, I’m not lonely, I’m nothing"

I like to see people reunited. I like to see people run to each other. I like the kissing and the crying. I like the impatience. The ears that aren’t big enough, the eyes that can’t take in all of the change. I like the hugging, the bringing together, and the end of missing someone.

And I've got my headphones blaring so loud that it
hurts. But I'm beyond caring. Because if this is
what it takes to get over you, then I'm all for it.

I hate how we never got our
chance to see what we could've been.
I hate how I know I'm not over you
and how I pretend to be

It's like we're more than just friends
but still less than lovers.
You're oh so tough, but
I want to be your first weakness.
Here we go again with the mixed signals
and second thoughts.

...hahaha

I want to meet Cinderella
and ask her how she got her prince
without the need to having flash her boobs

hes not picking up because
he knows your calling.
hes holding back because
he knows your falling

Sometimes i think about running away just to see who'd care enough to come looking.

we can stay up late and watch scary movies
if you promise to hold my hand.
well, if i end up in your arms, i promise its
just pure coincidence.
dont be shy though, i can keep a good secret

Comment/Sub

Hey. Three weeks until my Senior year starts. :/ I kinda just wanna get it over with but then again what happens after that. Reality hits you right smack in the face. I'm scared and excited to move on. Going to be an aunt to a beautiful little girl any day now. I plan on being her hero, best friend, and favorite aunt ;) Things are gonna change though. I hate change.

I want to be remembered. I want to be thought of as that one girl who never let anyone get in her way. I want to be needed, I want to be cried over, waited on, wished for. I want to be strong, I want to be beautiful. I want to feel special. And I want to be with someone who can do all these things for me, from now until never.